good news

Good news today. Donna Rapp is wonderful with money. She is taking care of everything for me. I will not have to worry about Mom's mortgage. I'll also be able to pay off debt. What a relief. This has been on my mind all the time.
God Is Good! All The Time!!
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Mom Memories

I asked one of my mom's high school classmates to ask for memorable moments with or about Mary. Here's one I received:
Hi Dawn,
I graduated with your mom and I remember her as the kindest, most genuine person I have ever met. She was always smiling and was full of fun and a great friend. We didn’t run around together but we did enjoy each other’s company and often would just sit and chat. At our last reunion we had talked about getting together for lunch sometime. I regret not being the one to pick up the phone and invite her but waited for her to call me. I could kick myself..and will always wish we had gotten together one last time. My deepest sympathy to you, Dawn. Mary was a remarkable person.
Will keep you in my prayers
Shirley Hornberger

As the days go by, I am constantly amazed at the power of God, at how Awesome God IS! I have small glimpses as the plan unfolds. Just enough!

God Is Good! All The Time!
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butterfly on my head!

The picture looks a little goofy, but the story behind it is really cool. Two summers ago the girls and I had several monarch caterpillars. We watched them eat and grow and spin a chrysalis. We watched and waited for the butterfly to emerge. I took some pretty amazing pictures. Anyway, this particular butterfly didn't want to leave. We set it free from our back porch. It flew around the yard a few times before coming to perch on my head! It stayed there until finally I had to move it. It's an excellent memory for my girls.
Dad and Ruth are here to visit from North Carolina. They finally got to see our new house after 3 years. They also went through Mary's house. They said it was beautiful. The girls and I took some more "stuff" for memory sake while we were there. Strangely enough I feel like maybe I'm not sad enough. I truly feel at peace with Mom being away from here. I always knew as a young girl that someday her general health conditions would catch up with her.
The girls and I are going to church at St. Mary's in Meadville today and then on to WalMart. I must be nuts! Oh well, such is life.
God is Good! All the Time!
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Another Saturday

Getting my hair cut today--one of my favorite things! Terry is giving me a really hard time with getting a new van. I applied for a NFCU auto loan anyways. I'm tired of waiting on him to make a decision. This van is so much safer than our old one. It has AWD, front and side airbags, & third row shoulder belts. Enough said. I wonder how mad he will be if I buy it anyway? He couldn't possibly be nastier to me than he already is. We'll see. That's for next time.

God is Good! All the Time!
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More on Mom

I saw Mom in my dreams last night. It was so vivid. I could see the flowers on her dress. She was dressed like she was for her parish directory picture. She smiled at me. This was a first for me since her death. I've only had dreams reliving that day which were not pleasant. I feel just a little stronger every day. God has a reason for this. I know that if God brings me to this, God will bring me through this. NOTHING IS RANDOM!

Kristen, Danielle, Stephanie, and I went to Stoneboro Lake yesterday. Vicky joined us for awhile. It felt good to sit in the sun and relax. Kristen and Danielle love the water. Stephanie is not that big of a fan, but she likes the sand. Danielle was enthralled by the huge carp that swim on the other side of the dock. Pam Kahle and her family were there as well. It was good to talk to Pam. I really cherish her as my friend and confidant. All in all, a good day.

God is Good!! All The Time!!!!
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Kristen Grace

Yesterday on the way home from Stoneboro Lake, Kristen said, "Look, Mommy! I can see Grandma's face in the clouds." I nearly drove off the road! She continued to tell me that Grandma was looking at her. Last week, she said she wouldn't be able to have toast and coffee anymore like she did with Grandma. I told her maybe Aunt Joyce or Vicky would share their coffee with her. She said no because they like their coffee black, and she likes hers brown! I'm going to make coffee for her and dunk some toast! We will have to start some new traditions. That's something that is becoming clearer and clearer to me everyday. My girls need some connections to their memories of Grandma. I'm working on it.

For Mom

My mom died last week, June 5th, 2008, at 59 years old. She didn't seem that sick to me. I wish I had made her go to the hospital. I found her in her bedroom and tried CPR after I called 911. It was very frightening. It didn't feel real. Now it seems to be the only thing I can think about. I keep blocking it, but it comes back.
Anyways, I need to get some of the thoughts out of my brain. I'm trying to recall as many memories as I can of Mom. Sometimes I called her Marymac. She used that as a screen name. Mom was a single parent to me, her only child. My parents divorced when I was very young. She worked so hard to provide for me. She put in 35 years with the state before retiring to babysit her grandchildren. I never even knew we were lower income!
When I was a senior in high school, Mom bought her first house. We had lived in a second floor rental most of my life. She was so darn proud of this accomplishment. She still had a dream, though, to build a brand new home. This did eventually happen.
I remember our favorite meals together: pork chops and mac-n-cheese (NOT from the box!), spaghetti and meat sauce, eggs and toast, dunking toast and butter in tea. Mary made the world's best mac-n-cheese. No box for us! I however have not quite mastered her skill, so I usually resort to Kraft. She continued to make mac-n-cheese for her granddaughters. She could create meals from almost nothing.
We used to go on vacation to Cedar Point. We stayed in a motel and went to the park for 2 days. That was such a huge deal for me then! I wasn't aware that other families went to DisneyWorld or to exotic beaches. Cedar Point and being with my mom were all I needed.
I know these thoughts seem random, but I haven't quite got myself organized. I hope this blog will help.