For Mom

My mom died last week, June 5th, 2008, at 59 years old. She didn't seem that sick to me. I wish I had made her go to the hospital. I found her in her bedroom and tried CPR after I called 911. It was very frightening. It didn't feel real. Now it seems to be the only thing I can think about. I keep blocking it, but it comes back.
Anyways, I need to get some of the thoughts out of my brain. I'm trying to recall as many memories as I can of Mom. Sometimes I called her Marymac. She used that as a screen name. Mom was a single parent to me, her only child. My parents divorced when I was very young. She worked so hard to provide for me. She put in 35 years with the state before retiring to babysit her grandchildren. I never even knew we were lower income!
When I was a senior in high school, Mom bought her first house. We had lived in a second floor rental most of my life. She was so darn proud of this accomplishment. She still had a dream, though, to build a brand new home. This did eventually happen.
I remember our favorite meals together: pork chops and mac-n-cheese (NOT from the box!), spaghetti and meat sauce, eggs and toast, dunking toast and butter in tea. Mary made the world's best mac-n-cheese. No box for us! I however have not quite mastered her skill, so I usually resort to Kraft. She continued to make mac-n-cheese for her granddaughters. She could create meals from almost nothing.
We used to go on vacation to Cedar Point. We stayed in a motel and went to the park for 2 days. That was such a huge deal for me then! I wasn't aware that other families went to DisneyWorld or to exotic beaches. Cedar Point and being with my mom were all I needed.
I know these thoughts seem random, but I haven't quite got myself organized. I hope this blog will help.